saharasnow: Made by me (Still Living - Lulu)
I don't think I remember how to write an English fanfic anymore. I've spent the whole of last two years writing for the Mandarin community in China and contributed to six printed fanbooks which half of them were completely sold out and out-of-print.

I've learned a lot from that place, then I tried to return to this community that I started and I found myself lost. I could not write anything that I think is decent to be published online. It's really sad. All the fics that were left hanging for years, I'm dying to finish them and yet here I am, finding difficulties trying to pen down the first word. I can't get past any of my old works without feeling like the biggest idiot that written atrocious stories which will make me roll my eyes now.

The last two years had been very trying for me, professional and personal wise. Those hard times did contribute to a lot of the fics that I've written because I've always draw inspirations from real life experiences. I've also met nasty people that never seem to understand that writing was never my full time job, I'm a photographer, and I just happen to write on my free time for fun.

Expectations on long stories were that I need to update every week, or even worse, everyday. I just could not rush out things like that. Then there were also speculations or (gasp)conclusions that because I didn't know how to continue, that is entirely not true because:

My stories' endings were already fixed and decided before I even start. I usually write to get to that ending, and sometimes the stories just strangely seemed to grow legs of their own and decided to run on their own, and detour further away from reaching the final ending, thus explaining why some of the stories just get longer and longer. Also because I always have this need to explain every single thing, it's a habit that will kill me one of these days.

All the fics that were left hanging, even those from many years ago, the endings were already long decided. I just didn't manage to get to them, yet. It's frustrating because I, as the author, is actually the one who wanted to end the series, more than anyone.

I wrote and share, but now I think I had to keep these as my personal project now so that I can get back to them whenever I want. I love feedbacks but I don't appreciate bashing unnecessarily because I could not update regularly.

Oh well, too much ranting.

Here's to a better 2015!