saharasnow: Made by me (Still Living - Lulu)
I don't think I remember how to write an English fanfic anymore. I've spent the whole of last two years writing for the Mandarin community in China and contributed to six printed fanbooks which half of them were completely sold out and out-of-print.

I've learned a lot from that place, then I tried to return to this community that I started and I found myself lost. I could not write anything that I think is decent to be published online. It's really sad. All the fics that were left hanging for years, I'm dying to finish them and yet here I am, finding difficulties trying to pen down the first word. I can't get past any of my old works without feeling like the biggest idiot that written atrocious stories which will make me roll my eyes now.

The last two years had been very trying for me, professional and personal wise. Those hard times did contribute to a lot of the fics that I've written because I've always draw inspirations from real life experiences. I've also met nasty people that never seem to understand that writing was never my full time job, I'm a photographer, and I just happen to write on my free time for fun.

Expectations on long stories were that I need to update every week, or even worse, everyday. I just could not rush out things like that. Then there were also speculations or (gasp)conclusions that because I didn't know how to continue, that is entirely not true because:

My stories' endings were already fixed and decided before I even start. I usually write to get to that ending, and sometimes the stories just strangely seemed to grow legs of their own and decided to run on their own, and detour further away from reaching the final ending, thus explaining why some of the stories just get longer and longer. Also because I always have this need to explain every single thing, it's a habit that will kill me one of these days.

All the fics that were left hanging, even those from many years ago, the endings were already long decided. I just didn't manage to get to them, yet. It's frustrating because I, as the author, is actually the one who wanted to end the series, more than anyone.

I wrote and share, but now I think I had to keep these as my personal project now so that I can get back to them whenever I want. I love feedbacks but I don't appreciate bashing unnecessarily because I could not update regularly.

Oh well, too much ranting.

Here's to a better 2015!
saharasnow: Made by me (Let's Pound Some Retards! - Okita)
... sometimes I get really embarrassed reading the comments for my fics. I don't know how to describe it but it's just, well, erm... I'm very happy when someone reviewed/commented of course, but at the same time I always feels like I want to dig a hole in the ground and buried my head in it like an ostrich.

saharasnow: Made by me (Still Living - Lulu)
...may be returning soon. I have so many fics that were being left to rot. And I need to finish them. I'm kind of slowly getting the feel for Aulu back, and am also looking into Baltheir/Ashe,


9/9/13 17:03
saharasnow: Made by me (Burning Spirit - Auron)
I'm having such a serious block right now.

From my photography. I just cannot find the motivation to switch on my laptop and photoshop to process anything. It's really frustrating, especially when the backlog is building up really quickly and I already have people chasing after me for photos.

I accepted two fanfic commissions, which oh my gawd, finally I have ideas for. I was very worried that I could not come up with anything better that will excel my previous fic. I still may not be able to do it, but at least this is something I can work on and contribute it without feeling that I've hold myself back in any ways.

The LeviHan one is another daunting one.

Editor is expecting me to just go ahead and break the 8000 words limit but I'm not even sure if I can write 5000 now. But after considering about it for days, I need to extend the story to develop their relationship to make it more believable, hence yea, maybe I'd reach 8000 or even go past that after all.

LeviHan is a ship that enables me to go back to all those angst and despair back when I was writing Aulu (fics seriously need to be updated). I'm not really fond of making a couple gushy about each other or those happily married stories, not even for a light-hearted ship like OkiKagu.

I need more works.

And it laments me that we cannot have something like that here or US. Because nobody really published fanworks like Japan, China, Taiwan and HK.

Le sigh.
saharasnow: Made by me (Burning Spirit - Auron)
I was away for too, too long.

Exciting news, the fanbook I contributed to received really good response *cries* Some even commented that they liked my story the best OMG. Too overwhelmed.

And now I have two more books to contribute to, way too excited.

But urgh, brain block, writer's block now.
saharasnow: (Okita Sougo x Kagura (Gintama OTP))

OkiKagu fans look over here! New OkiKagu fanbook is now available for reservation, for more information and details please visit the link:

saharasnow: Made by me (Still Living - Lulu)
My writings have came to a halt. On all sides.

I know what is going to happen next, but I couldn't pen anything down. It's frustrating. I'm feeling desperate. Walk with Her Again have stopped long enough and deserve its rightful update, but I just couldn't produce a single word out of my (probably)empty head.

I guess I've really came to a point that I've burnt myself out. On writing.

Laptop switched on, Word program pulled out and not one word typed on the screen.

If you are one of the many, or even if, the only one who followed my work, I really thank you for your patience, and tolerance for my incompetence.

I can only promise that I'd not ditch whatever I have started, I cannot promise how long it will take to complete them.

*dies on floor*
saharasnow: (Okita Sougo x Kagura (Gintama OTP))

YAY YAY YAY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <3
saharasnow: Made by me (Poignant Love)
Never stopped writing, just, been writing for another fandom in another language and I probably got the largest culture shock. Ever. Eight months in that fandom, and I've witnessed so much retarded behavior and unnecessary hatred that, oh well.

But let's just say the people there got their fair amount of culture shock too when I started releasing the fics I've wrote. And these were mainly the kind of feedbacks I got from people who actually bothered.

"Your fic is unpopular because the story is mature."

And mature I don't mean lemon. Well, I did, wrote one, for that pairing.

I do have a (very tiny) group of people who told me they really like what I wrote and it was quite a new perspective on the pairing as compared to all the love stories written about them. And then it dawned on me if I've been writing just -love- stories about Auron and Lulu.

And then again, I like to believe I don't.

I suck at love stories.

I don't really think the Auron and Lulu I wrote were "in love". And nether were any of other pairings I wrote. I think I like "bond" better.

And after so many months of neglecting English I need to start picking it up again.
saharasnow: Made by me (Still Living - Lulu)
I deal with the constant disappointments that life threw at me. I do this more than dealing with anything else to be honest.

I'm somewhat developing a hatred towards communications, or maybe just phone alone. I've rarely gotten good news from phone calls, so I'm starting to hate phone calls, especially in the mornings or late nights.

Never really stopped writing, but I couldn't write anything that is decent enough to post here. Le sigh.
saharasnow: Made by me (Poignant Love)
I have come to a decision that, I should be rewriting Ingenue entirely (unlike Walk with Me Again, with only modifications and adjustments done).

I'm not happy with how the story was presented so far, and I shuddered when I read it again. I couldn't believe that -I- was the author who wrote that piece. I will need to construct the whole story again, and hopefully the next launch, I can bring a better presentation(and better usage of English).
saharasnow: Made by me (One Story Untold)
Title: Beautiful World
Project: Twenty Six
Series: Final Fantasy X/X-2
Pairing: Auron/Lulu (implied)
Rating: G
Warning: None.
Author's notes: Let's hope I keep this up!

Beautiful World: Within the Short lived Days )
saharasnow: (Locke/Terra OTP)
Title: Aesthetic
Project: Twenty Six
Series: Final Fantasy VI
Pairing: Locke/Terra
Rating: G
Warning: None.
Author's notes: Also kick starting on writing on Locke/Terra again, my very first OTP.

Aesthetic: appreciation of beauty )
saharasnow: Made by me (Still Living - Lulu)
Title: Abstract
Project: Twenty Six
Series: Final Fantasy X/X-2
Pairing: Auron/Lulu (implied)
Rating: G
Warning: None.
Author's notes: Decided to kick start my writing again, so I've given myself a little project to keep me from procrastinating. Here goes.

Abstract: existing in thought or as an idea but not having a physical or concrete existence.  )
saharasnow: (Okita Sougo x Kagura (Gintama OTP))
After two days of non-stop drilling, I finally got my mind so fucked in a way that I'm feeling inspired to... do something.

My foot has been hurting recently, and the weather was just plain nasty.

But I've been lurking in different places, reading every fanfics I can find of the pairings I ship and a recent slight despair with introduction of some new characters that I absolutely have no feelings for.

I'm now on chapter 8 for another on-going series, and this seems like a cursed number. I always gets stuck at chapter 8 for my own fics. Groan.

But anyway, I'm not dead. I'd still write and continue what I've started (so how many times have I said that already and none of my series are done yet?!)

I have the same sentiments with Sorachi about things now. Blaaaaahhh.
saharasnow: Made by me (Let's Pound Some Retards! - Okita)
You know the feeling that you actually have a great storyline in your head, you wrote and then you get stuck, like a constipation. I'm actually having it right now, for two important stories that I've yet to finish.

I'm dying to write the ending, but to do that I need to write the process, how it led to the ending that I want to write so badly. It is a very bad habit of mine. Some of my fics were born because I want to write a certain ending. And then sometimes the characters just decided to go against me and do something else, then I'd need to try to pull them back again.

Also juggling between writing in two different languages is another challenge I presented to myself. It was fun but I can never type as fast in Mandarin as compared to English. I need to search for the words and sometimes it pissed the hell out of me.


I need a better and bigger cooling system for my laptop, hate the heat. If I can find a fan big and flat enough to place it on, I will trust me.

saharasnow: Made by me (Default)
Happy songs are absolutely not me, but I guess there are always exceptions. This song somehow made my inner child explode with strawberry sweet jam (which I have no idea what that was supposed to mean anyway).

"Confession" by Funky Monkey Babys

It just makes me want to grin like a silly little girl in love for the first time. The melody reminded me of those younger days when I have yet to open my eyes and heart for the world.
saharasnow: Made by me (Let's Pound Some Retards! - Okita)
Probably will start writing some fanfics in my own language again: Mandarin.

I write best in Mandarin to be honest, there are a lot of things I'd like to express but often find difficulties due to my limited vocabulary and hopeless grammar. I've tried writing Auron/Lulu in Mandarin before, but somehow it all felt weird. Especially the translation of their names.

Since then I never wrote anything that is game related in Mandarin. But I did wrote some original pieces before, and was told that they were too difficult to understand. *sad face* However, I'd attempt again, after so many years. All these years of experience would definitely help. I believe.

But any FF pieces are still going to be written in English. I can't get over the weird translation of their names.

But I'd write anime fanfics in Mandarin. The Japanese names are fine when they were written in Mandarin (afterall, modern Japanese were originally from China anyway).

Yep I'm going to write me some Gintama fanfics to satisfy my inner (creepy) fangirl desires.

I'm not sure why I always chooses the pairing that nobody (or the minority) likes, but oh well. Knowing me, I'm not going to care, much.

Also, because I'm laying low, kind of, in my working side. So maybe spending more time in fandoms again, since I have no (other)life other than photography.
saharasnow: Made by me (Default)
I'm currently a couple of shoots behind and yet I'm not doing anything -yet-.


Not good, not good...
saharasnow: Made by me (Default)
Procrastinating again.

I'm tired of my work for now, everything is at a standstill due to other party not responding, it feels like constipation. So I shall indulge a bit in fandom for now.

I remember when I was so not confident in my own interpretation of characters back then, I can only imagine the stories in my head and never wrote them down. But after some trying, I realized I actually get to know the characters more only when I actually start writing about them.

I wrote a lot of Auron and Lulu, along with some Rikku and Wakka too. Rikku can be fun to write, but she can go out of control for me as well. I've written some Locke and Terra, but I always feels there is something missing there, and I'm still trying to fill it in. Now I have another pairing that I'd really like to explore, and that is Balthier and Ashe. I've rewatched the game DVD again to try to refresh my memories of the story, but somehow I still could not feel so connected to them yet, as compared to the other two pairings.

I guess in a way, I don't feel so connected to the FFXII world yet, though I actually do kind of like it and would like to explore it. Maybe I should just, write something and try to get to know the world and characters better.